Chapter 16. Part 2

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June 25th, 1997.

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“I promised Ophelia I’d walk over to her place, and then we’d walk down together.”

“So you’ll be there in… an hour because you’re going to disappear into a bush on the way over before coming to meet me?”

“No, it’s too hot outside, and Ophelia’s been cranky with me for a few days. We’ll be there in thirty minutes or so. Just get in the water if we’re running late. Anyway, I’m leaving now, so thirty minutes.”

“Alright. See you then.”

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“I’m heading out to see Ripp and Ophelia!” Johnny yelled towards the kitchen. “Won’t be back until late, so don’t wait up.”

“Johnny,” Jenny said quietly, “wait.”

“What is it?” His mother sounded so serious, and she hardly ever did. Jenny Smith was an almost constant smiler, and it made him stop in his tracks.

“We need to talk.”

The dining table was full of brochures and folders, and his dad was looking uncharacteristically serious too. No. There was something else.

“What’s going on?” Johnny asked, sitting down at the table, his eyes going from one parent to the next.

“I had a call today,” Jenny started. “From the university.”

Johnny sighed. “Did they change the rules? No aliens allowed?”

“No, no, nothing like that, although I’m sure we’ll have to have a meeting with the military to discuss your leaving Strangetown for four years. This was about the scholarship.”

She wasn’t talking about the athletic scholarship he’d worked so hard for; he could tell. She was talking about the other one.

“I don’t qualify.”

“No, my little spinach. We thought for sure you would, you’re half-alien just as Lola and Chloe after all.”

“So, why don’t I?”

“It seems,” his father started, “that because your mother wasn’t pollinated, during an abduction, they feel that we shouldn’t get the money.”

“They said that because our having you wasn’t something that happened against my will, we don’t get the financial aid. They’re treating you as a second-generation hybrid, which means you get the same treatment as other students.”

“Okay… so there’s my college fund, though, isn’t there?”

He finally identified the look on his father’s face. It was shame.

“I do have one, don’t I?”

“Of course you do,” Jenny said quickly, “it’s just that.. well, there isn’t that much in it. Your other scholarship will cover half of tuition as long as you keep playing, and we could probably handle most of your living costs. But that still leaves a lot more that we need to get hold of every semester. Johnny, it’s going to be tough. We’re barely scraping by as it is.”

“I spoke to the military people,” PT9 said, “and they’re reissuing my work permit. I’ll get a job at the research facility, something menial. I’m not allowed access to anything classified of course.”

“Work permit? Dad, you’re… old. You’ve been retired for years.”

“Maybe if I’d worked longer, there’d be more money now. We just don’t want to end up losing the house. And we want you to be able to go to school without having to work two jobs. I can’t leave that up to your mom anymore.”

“You did your best,” Jenny said and stroked his hand. “We’ve both done our best.”

Johnny felt miserable. “But how are we going to work this out? And then there’s Jill in a few years too!”

His parents exchanged a look, and he knew what they were thinking. Jill, the child genius, the prodigy, could get whatever scholarship she wanted, half alien or not. It was only him, whose grades were decent, but unimpressive, who was the problem.

“What are we going to do?” he said before either of them could come up with a lie that wouldn’t hurt his feelings.

“We’re going to apply to every scholarship we can think of,” Jenny said. “Today. Together.”

“But I was going to meet Ophelia and Ripp at the pool!”

“Johnny. This is important.”

“Fine. I guess I can be a little late.”

“And then we’re going to make sure you get a job that doesn’t interfere with your schoolwork, or practice. It’s going to be a hard couple of years, Johnny, but I know you can do it. You just need to be frugal. And if we have to, we’ll go to my family and beg.”

“I didn’t know it was this bad,” Johnny said. They had never been rich, but it was just like his mother to keep problems away from her children. “Can’t we get a loan?”

“We already have too many mortgages, it seems,” PT9 added in a quiet voice, not looking at his son, or his wife. “We already owe too much.”

“We’ll make it,” Jenny said with a forced smile. “These are brochures for every scholarship and fund I could find. We’ll start with the more general ones, and then work our way down to specific ones that will be harder to get.”

“We’ll make it,” Johnny repeated, but inside he wasn’t sure at all.

*

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It was funny, Ripp thought, how certain noises became so annoying, so much of a constant thing, that it was like he could hear it even when he was nowhere near the source of it anymore. Edwin was an angry crier. Whenever he needed or wanted anything, he would scream at the top of his lungs as if it were a matter of life or death, and even now it was like he could hear those cries over the modern pop blaring out of the speakers.

It was such a relief to be out of the house for a few hours. His curfew was eleven, his dad had said. Twelve, Brandi had mouthed, and it wasn’t like Buzz ever actually bothered to make sure his orders were followed. It was summer after all, the last blissful summer before his two best friends left for college and he had to try and make new friends among that bunch of kids he’d mostly ignored for five years. They didn’t get him. Not like Johnny did, or Ophelia.

They were running late. Really late. He wondered if maybe they’d found that bush after all, but that wasn’t like them. To blow him off, that is. If Johnny said half an hour, he meant half an hour, and the chance at some alone-time with his girlfriend wasn’t enough to make him break a promise.

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Finally, Ophelia was arriving. Without Johnny.

“Did you forget someone?” he asked. “I thought Johnny was picking you up?”

“He’s not coming. Well, he is coming, but he’s not coming for a couple of hours. He called me, he said he’d tried your place, but you’d left. I wasn’t going to come this early either, but I didn’t want you to sit here all alone not knowing.”

“He said he was just about to leave when we talked.”

“Something came up. Do you want to take a swim, or should we just go do something else?”

“You pick.”

Ophelia looked at the water.

“I don’t really feel like swimming today. I need a new bathing suit. My old one’s… a little small.”

“No one minds a girl with a bathing suit that’s too small,” Ripp joked, but she kept looking at the water, staring at it in silence. It was making him uncomfortable.

“Is something wrong, Ophelia?”

She didn’t answer, and he was about to repeat the question when she turned to look back at him.

“Are you hungry? We could get a burger, just hangout for a few hours, and then see if Johnny is ready with whatever he’s doing, and if he’s not, we can hang by their pool just as well as this one. What do you say?”

He wasn’t that hungry.

“Sure, sounds good.”

*

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It was getting dark when Johnny finally showed up, and Ripp could spot his bad mood a mile away. Johnny was rarely in a bad mood.

“Sorry, I’m late. Did you swim already?”

“No, we were waiting for you,” Ophelia said.

“I don’t feel like swimming. Can we just go get beer or something?”

“No complaints here,” Ripp said. “You got money?”

Johnny’s face looked pained.

“No. Apparently not.”

“I do,” Ophelia said, “enough for a six-pack at least.”

“Then let’s just go.”

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“Something wrong, babe?” Ophelia asked as they passed the Purple Nurple.

“Nope. Might not be able to afford college, but everything is just fine.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Apparently, my alien dad’s limited employment options and my mom being a nurse meant a minimal college fund, and we’re not getting that alien hybrid scholarship, so we’ll be lucky if we can afford two years. Or, I go, and spend so much time on a part time job that I end up graduating when I’m thirty instead. I just spent three full hours with my parents applying to every scholarship and financial aid fund under the sun.”

Ripp wanted to say something. He had no idea how much was in that college fund that held his share of his mom’s life insurance, but he assumed if there would be problems his dad – or Tank was more likely – would have said something about that every time they complained about his grades.

Ophelia opened her mouth, but Johnny continued.

“And they never said anything about this to me! Not a word! I’m almost nineteen, and my parents never mentioned a single thing about them being in financial trouble. You’d think they could’ve mentioned this a little sooner than two months before registration, wouldn’t you?”

“There must be something-” Ophelia started.

“Yeah, I could rob a bank! Watcher, you two don’t know how lucky you both are that your parents left you money!”

Ophelia stiffened. Ripp could feel his own body do the same as horror spread over Johnny’s face.

“I’m so sorry,” he hurried to say. “I didn’t mean it. I really didn’t. I know you’d rather… I mean, I know I’m lucky both my parents are alive. I wouldn’t rather they were dead. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Ripp said.

“It’s not.” Johnny leaned on the building. “It’s not okay for me to say that to you, ever.”

“Maybe we should try to change the subject?” Ophelia said looking intently at her boyfriend. “Try to get your mind off things?”

“I’m getting my driver’s license tomorrow,” Ripp tried. “Well, I’ve got my test tomorrow, but I’ll pass. Brandi’s been driving with me. Dad tried, but he held on to the dashboard so hard his knuckles grew white, and then he said it would be best for the both of us if he let Brandi handle it.”

Ophelia laughed, but it sounded a little hollow to Ripp. “That’s progress for him though, isn’t it?”

“I guess. We’ll see when I ask him for car. That’ll be the real test. Maybe I should wait until our next family therapy session.”

“Do you want to buy my truck?” Johnny asked but sighed. “I’m sorry, guys. I should just go home and go to sleep. Maybe I’ll be better company tomorrow.”

“Johnny, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Ophelia started but Johnny sighed again.

“Can’t it wait?”

“I… I guess. A few days at least.”

“Great. I’ll just call you tomorrow, then? Maybe we can play a prank on Tank or something, that’s always fun.”

“Sure.”

“I really am sorry about what I said,” he insisted, and Ripp nodded.

“We get it.”

“Is everything okay with you two?” Ripp asked when Johnny was out of earshot.

“I guess. I don’t really know,” Ophelia said. “Don’t worry, though, we’ll work it out. Eventually. Soon. Hopefully soon.”

“I should get home too.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to talk about something?”

“No no, actually, I’d rather not. But you can come with if you want to avoid the family a bit longer?”

Pity invite. She probably wanted to be alone.

“I’ll just go home. I should prep for the test one last time anyway.”

“Good luck tomorrow, you’ll be driving us around in your dad’s car before you know it.”

“Don’t jinx me.”

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*

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“Speak up or don’t, girl, but you know I don’t like it when you’re just staring like that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just say something if you want to say something.”

Maybe talking to Aunt Olive wasn’t the best thing to do, Ophelia thought. They weren’t particularly close. Maybe she’d just yell at her. But she had to tell someone. She’d even thought about calling Jenny, maybe even Brandi. She had never missed her own mother more than right now.

“I need to tell you something, Aunt Olive.”

Olive closed her book and put it down, looking at Ophelia with a stern look. “I suppose this has something to do with what I found in your bathroom this afternoon while I was cleaning?”

Ophelia nodded.

“I suppose the Smith boy is the one responsible for this?”

“Yes.”

“Have you told him?”

“No. I wanted to, tonight, but he has a lot on his mind right now.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

It was so like her aunt to get right to the point. It always made Ophelia uncomfortable.

“I don’t know what to do, Aunt Olive. I want to have kids and be a mom, I really do. I’d even want them to be with Johnny. I love him. But not… not now. We have college in the fall.”

“So you made up your mind then?”

“No. I don’t know. What do you think I should do?”

She knew better than to expect a reassuring smile or comfort. Olive’s stern expression never wavered.

“I asked you what you wanted me to do, Ophelia,” she said. “There are three options. I go and call Mr and Mrs Smith and tell them they’re going to be grandparents. I go and call a place for girls to have their babies in peace and who will find an adoptive family for the child. Or we take care of it now, and then you don’t have to think about it again.”

“I thought about making an appointment at the clinic.”

“I doubt Mrs Smith would be pleased by you aborting her grandchild. She’s very fond of little babies from what I understand.”

Ophelia hadn’t even thought of that. Jenny worked at the medical clinic. Jenny might try to talk her out of it. She might tell Johnny. And Johnny wouldn’t get it.

“I could go on her day off.”

“So, that is what you want to do then?”

“I guess? I don’t want to be a mom right now. And I don’t know how I’d feel about giving birth and then giving my baby away, but I bet I’d feel even worse than I do now. And I couldn’t explain being gone for eight months to Johnny. And there’s college.”

Olive sighed and the faintest hint of sympathy crept into her face.

“You don’t need to justify it. Just tell me what you want to do, and we’ll get it done.”

“I don’t want to be pregnant. Will you call the clinic for me, Aunt Olive? And maybe ask not to have nurse Smith involved?”

Olive rose from her seat. “There’s no reason to include the clinic. They’d just pump you full of meds or cut you. Don’t you know that modern medicine is just derived from plants anyway? They synthesize it now of course, but that’s where it came from. But when they just take the effect they want, they don’t get the synergy effect of a whole plant, so you get all the side effects and feel even worse. We can do this ourselves.”

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“Ourselves?”

“Of course,” Olive said, taking out a knife and other items from the cupboard. “I need you to go out into the garden and bring me some things.”

“There are… those kinds of plants, growing in our garden? Where we grow food?”

“And herbs, and flowers. So many pretty things, and most people have no idea how useful they are. Together, they’ll take care of this, and then you don’t have to think about it again.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just see a doctor?” Ophelia asked.

“We could. And we could do this tomorrow. Or next week. Or even in two. Is that what you want to do?”

There was a part of Ophelia that wanted Olive to stop asking her that so directly. It would be so much easier if she just decided for her.

“No. Let’s get it over with. What do we need?”

“Lemon balm, lilies, roses – not the ones by the graves, the other ones. Some spearmint, columbine, and salvia.”

“Salvia?”

“Sage. And one May bell.”

“But those are poisonous, aren’t they?”

“It won’t hurt you at this low dose. Just go and get them.”

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Her aunt was coming up from the basement as Ophelia came back inside.

“Did you find everything?”

“Yeah. I had some trouble with the columbine, but I found some.”

“We don’t need much of each.”

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Ophelia had half expected a cauldron, maybe a spell. But in the end, Olive handed her a cup with something that just looked like green tea.

“You can stay here,” her aunt said as Ophelia reached out her hand to accept the cup. “You could stay, and live here, with the baby. And after I’m gone, I’d make sure your cousin would help to take care of you both. You could do that.”

Ophelia tried to imagine herself living in this cold, hard place with a little baby. She tried to imagine herself with a baby at all. But every time she did, she was much older. She was done with college. She was married to someone who hadn’t married her because she got pregnant. She had a steady job, and she was providing for both herself and her family. She wasn’t a frightened little girl.

“Thank you, aunt Olive.”

She took the cup in her hand. “What’s going to happen?”

“There’ll be some bleeding as your body expels the foetus, but no more than a bad menstrual bleeding. Some abdominal pain. Nothing you can’t handle. You’re not a weakling.”

She wasn’t sure what she had expected. Maybe a quick rush to the bathroom. Maybe even some sort of labour – but that would be silly, she realized, at six weeks. It was just a lump of cells at this point, not really distinguishable for anything else. She expected some pain. But all she felt was a little sick.

“Go to bed child,” Olive said. “It’ll be done by the time you wake up.”

*

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Ophelia didn’t know what she had expected from her aunt’s homemade solution, but it wasn’t this. The pain hadn’t stopped, and neither had the bleeding. It wasn’t a lot, not after her first visit to the bathroom, but it still wouldn’t stop, and the pain was slowly getting worse.

Olive had come to check on her, before going out, and her advice had simply been to bare it, that it would stop soon. She’d given her one of those looks. The one that said she thought was Ophelia was a little weak. Ophelia had grown used to that look at a very young age, and now she was really trying to be strong.

She had made her choice, and while she felt sure that it was the right one for her, it was too late now. Foetus gone. That must have been why the bleeding had been so bad in the beginning, she assumed. The pain would stop soon, she assumed. And the bleeding was just temporary, she assumed. Any time now.

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“Fifi!” Ripp shouted as he entered her bedroom. “I made it! I passed! I got my driver’s li”-

He stopped in his tracks when he saw her.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

Ophelia tried to sit up but gave up almost right away. Being upright hurt more than her current position.

“Congratulations,” she said, hating how weak her voice sounded. “And don’t call me that.”

Ripp’s concerned face frowned into worry. He’d always been a bit of a worrier, like her, and she tried to sit up again. It hurt and she winced but managed. Ripp sat down beside her, his eyes fixed on her, barely even blinking.

“What happened, Ophelia?” he asked gently. “You didn’t seem quite like yourself yesterday, but you didn’t seem hurt? What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay, Ripp, don’t worry about it.”

“But I do. Should I go call Johnny?”

“No!” Ophelia said, a bit too quickly. “Not Johnny.”

“So you two are having problems. Where’s your aunt?”

“She had errands to run. Really, Ripp, I don’t need anyone.”

“I don’t believe you. I can go get Brandi. I borrowed Tank’s car; it wouldn’t take long. Unless he has found out I’ve borrowed it. But Brandi will come, I know she will.”

For a brief minute, Ophelia considered it. She didn’t know Mrs Grunt that well, but she had guessed enough from Ripp’s restrained yet completely honest praise of his stepmother that she could probably be really good at giving comfort.

“I don’t need- ouch.” The pain stopped her and Ripp looked frightened. She shouldn’t be doing this to him. Sixteen was way too young to have to deal with this.

“Okay, something is really wrong, Ophelia,” he said, “and you need to tell me what it is, because my brain is making up theories and none of them are good, please?”

She sobbed, from the pain or from the entire situation, she didn’t know. It was hurting more and more. It felt worse than anything she had ever felt before.

“My aunt helped me get an abortion, and it was supposed to be safe, but it hurts, and it bleeds, and it doesn’t feel right,” she got out between the tears.

Ripp’s hand stayed still. She had expected him to remove it.

“What do you mean she helped you?” he asked, “not with… not one of those coat hanger things, right? I read about those.”

“No, no, she mixed me up something with herbs, but it still hurts like hell.”

“Why isn’t Johnny here taking care of you then?”

“I didn’t tell him. You can’t tell him either, you have to promise! He’s got enough on his plate right now, and I don’t want him to know!”

The pain, it didn’t stop. She had dealt with the bleeding the same way she did her period, but she could tell the bleeding had gotten worse, it had bled through the pad. She felt faint, and could only half-register that Ripp was saying something. He sounded scared.

“…the clinic. You know, my mom…”

“Damnit, Ripp, did you have to bring that up?” She glared at him. She didn’t need the thought of Ripp’s mom, dying along with her baby in a cold operating room in that dreadful medical clinic, running around in her head now, when she was feeling like her insides was being scrunched up and twisted around like a dirty washcloth.

“I’m sorry, but you’re scaring me right now. Pretty sure some damned plants shouldn’t be causing this much, and if your aunt left you alone, this probably wasn’t expected either. What if you got the wrong herbs? Or what if something else went wrong? No, you need to come with me, and we need to go right now. And if you turn out to be okay, you can curse me, slap me, or whatever you want.”

Slowly, as slowly as she could manage because of the pain, Ophelia nodded.

“Fine, I’ll go. But if Jenny is working, we’re turning around and leaving. Or requesting another nurse. She wouldn’t get this. You know she wouldn’t, she’d be upset.”

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“Ophelia?”

“Ophelia!”

*

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The pain was gone, but also, maybe it wasn’t. The pain she had felt was gone, but it had been replaced by a dull ache in her abdomen. It took her a moment or two to realize she was in a hospital bed. It took her even longer to realize she wasn’t alone.

“Hey there,” Jenny said gently, and Ophelia groaned for more reasons than the pain.

“Hi.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Like someone punched me in the stomach.”

“We had to operate.”

“Oh? Did Ripp tell you…?”

“I made him tell me. He said you didn’t want anyone to know, but I needed to know what had happened, or we could’ve made a mistake.”

“You’re not in your uniform.”

“My shift has ended. Just making sure you were okay. We haven’t been able to track down your aunt, who was listed as your emergency contact. You won’t blame Ripp for telling me what was wrong, now will you?”

“I guess not.”

“Was it Johnny’s?” Jenny asked, and Ophelia took a deep breath. She had expected this.

“Yes.”

“Did he know?”

“No.”

“I’m sure he can handle it if you tell him. But I also think it’s fine if you don’t. As long as Ripp doesn’t tell him, there’s no one who will say anything.”

“Are you angry with me?”

Jenny smiled. “No, Ophelia. No one is angry with you. I don’t think it was particularly wise to rely solely on things from your aunt’s garden, but I know she’s a bit unconventional.”

“But you’re not angry? Since it was… you know. Johnny’s. So it would’ve been your… you know.”

“Maybe. But you shouldn’t think of it like that.”

“It’s hard not to.”

“I know. I really do know.”

Ophelia looked at her carefully and understood. Jenny knew. Maybe Jenny had been 18. Or in college. Or just not ready. Or maybe it had been recent, knowing they were already struggling with money and not being able to bring herself to add another child. Either way, Jenny knew. Jenny understood.

“It’s okay if you feel sad,” Jenny continued. “It’s okay if you feel angry, or bad, or even regret. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right choice for you, right now. It was six weeks, Ophelia. If it helps you think of it as a baby, then go ahead. If it doesn’t, then don’t. No one can ever tell you how you’re supposed to feel right now, or what words you should be using. It’s your experience, no one else’s.”

Ophelia sighed in relief. That did make her feel better.

“Was it the herbs fault? That I hurt so much?”

“No, well, not really. There was an issue with the pregnancy. We would have noticed if you’d come here, and we could have done a much safer abortion, but your aunt had no way of knowing that. In a normal pregnancy, I doubt your body would have reacted the way it did, you might not even have noticed all that much. The herbs you took acted too quickly, and after the foetus was expelled, they wrecked some havoc on your uterus and the fallopian tubes. We were able to repair some of it, but there might be some long-term effects. It might affect the likelihood of another conception, but nothing is for sure yet. You’re young. It might heal all by itself.”

“I want to have children someday.”

“And I’m sure you will. Take some time to heal, and in a few years, or many years, or whenever you want to, you can get checked out to make sure a pregnancy will be safe, and that will be all.”

“Good. I really do want to have babies.”

“Babies are wonderful.”

“What am I going to tell Johnny?”

“A schoolfriend of yours saw you and Ripp arrive, so I’m afraid he knows you’re here. If you like, I can tell him that you needed your appendix out, and then you can decide for yourself if or when you want to tell him the truth.”

“That sounds good. Can I see him, please?”

“Of course you can, honey. He’s waiting outside.”

Ophelia wanted to ask her for a hug, but it seemed like a silly request. Johnny would hug her. Johnny would hold her and make her feel safe and loved. And then she would lie to him, and hope he never found out.

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Author’s note:

Well, this might have been the longest update I’ve ever done. I know this is a sensitive subject for some people, but I tried being as raw and real as I could here. I do have personal experiences of abortion, and I can’t write Ophelia’s feelings in a way I can’t relate to, so there it is. You can come yell at me, or talk about how I portrayed it here if you want though.

The thing Olive says about plant medicine is true. There is a synergy effect in whole plants that you don’t get from synthesized chemicals. Plants will more often than not contain both the active substance and the cure for the side effects. Just wanted to point that out.

About the specific plants chosen here: There is an old Swedish folk song called Uti vår hage (listen to a version here, opens i New Tab) that is contains a list of flowers. It has long been rumoured that those flowers together act as an abortaficient, and was a way of teaching women how to do it in a way that could be passed down without anyone else knowing. This rumour most likely isn’t true, but it is a story about lover’s meeting and I think we all know that the result of that can sometimes be, and I liked the idea of the ingredients being hidden in a song, so I decided to use it here, even though Sim Nation is a modern country where abortions are legal and treated like the medical procedures they should be treated as.